


Find you // Carry you

by DreamyStar



Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Betrayal, Blood and Injury, Crying, Explosions, Gaslighting, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Insanity, Manipulation, Nightmares, Post-Betrayal, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Running Away, Violence, Whump
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:54:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 13,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27068224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamyStar/pseuds/DreamyStar
Summary: "Eret, I... I-I miss them. I-", he blurted out shakily. He shut his eyes as tears started falling down his face, leaving wet marks on his suit. A sob escaped his throat.Schlatt was going to kill him.---Tubbo delivers a letter to Eret, and finds comfort in the place he'd least expect it.
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s)
Comments: 40
Kudos: 482





	1. i will find you, here inside the dark

**Author's Note:**

> A couple things to sort out:  
> \- The work title and chapter titles are from Ruelle's songs "Find you" and "Carry you", and I strongly recommend you listen to them, they encapsulate the idea of this story.  
> \- This is a semi-realistic AU, meaning no respawn, normal carrying capacity and no monsters.  
> \- It is Tubbo-centric, but others will appear as well. It diverges from canon before the festival and Will's corruption.  
> \- My first time posting on AO3, please be patient!

Tubbo walked along the wooden path, fiddling with the paper in his hands. He was tasked to deliver a confidential message to Eret by Schlatt, since as the man's right hand man he was the only one who could be trusted with such a thing.

Tubbo knew this was a test, of course. After all, if the information got leaked Schlatt would know for sure it was Tubbo, and that Tubbo was a spy. He shuddered at the thought of what would happen after that.

No, he had to play along for now. Gain his trust, don't do anything suspicious. More than ever, this was the time to be careful.

The castle came into view and his thoughts wandered towards Eret. Ever since the betrayal he's only seen the man either in passing or with a whole group of people shouting at him. This would be the first time they see each other privately in months.

He wondered what Eret was up to these days.

The guards let him in without much problem after seeing that he had a message and checking him for weapons. He was escorted onto the castle grounds and into the building itself, and he once again marvelled at the sheer scope of it.

They soon reached the throne room, and the guard stood watch by the door as Tubbo treaded closer. He saw Eret sitting on the steps leading up to the golden throne, flicking through some papers scattered about. The cape flowed gently to the ground in an intricate pattern and the crown rested firmly on the man's head, glistering in the setting sun, and even though he was in a casual position Tubbo couldn't help but feel a regal aura emanating from him.

Eret slowly looked up from his work at the sound of the door closing. As soon as he noticed Tubbo he quickly stood up, his posture straight and confident.

"Tubbo?". His voice was deep, as always, but now there was a hint of sharpness to it that didn't use to be there. Tubbo wondered how much he really changed since becoming king. "Why are you here?"

The man was walking towards him now, his shoes clinking against the marble steps. He wore a somewhat cautious, somewhat worried expression on his face.

Tubbo composed himself quickly.

"Schlatt sent me here to deliver a letter", he said, showing the paper to Eret. "Important information, for your eyes only"

Eret raised a brow but didn't say anything as he closed the distance between them and took the letter, hiding it somewhere under his cape. He gave him a small smile.

"How have you been? It's been a while since we talked", he said, his tone softer. Tubbo blinked and took a small step back.

This was so eerily familiar. It reminded him of the times when Eret would check up on him in the evenings, after work, to make sure he was alright. It reminded him of that night when he couldn't fall asleep and Eret stayed with him until sunrise. It reminded him of times before...

"I am quite busy b-but everything is going well", he forced out, feeling tears dwell in his eyes. He took another step back.

The tie around his neck suffocated him. He dug his nails into the palm of his hand.

"Are you sure?"

The question was quiet and gentle, and Tubbo's composure shattered. He gave out a strangled sob, his body shaking.

"Eret, I... I-I miss them. I-", he blurted out shakily. He shut his eyes as tears started falling down his face, leaving wet marks on his suit. A sob escaped his throat.

Schlatt was going to kill him. Eret will look at him with disgust and tell him to get out, or worse tell Schlatt about his loyalties and weakness, and Schlatt was going to kill hi-

He suddenly felt strong, warm arms wrap around his shoulders. His eyes shot open in surprise, tears rolling down his face slowly.

"I know", Eret said softly, the embrace tightening. And despite everything that happened Tubbo couldn't help but give into the comfort.

He took grip of Eret's cape, clinging onto the other tightly, and buried his face in the fluff lining the top of it. He sobbed, shivering as he let his tears flow freely for the first time in months.

"I miss them too", he heard Eret whisper. One of his hands reached up as he started running his fingers through the boy's hair gently.

He held Tubbo close as he cried, muttering words of comfort to him. With time the grip on Eret's clothes loosened and disappeared.

Tubbo slowly stepped away, wiping the remaining tears off his face. There were dirty streaks running down his cheeks, his hair was ruffled and messy, his suit a bit dishelved, and he was absolutely exhausted.

He gave Eret a small smile that soon morphed into an expression of terror.

"Schlatt's going to kill me", he whispered, his eyes wide. "If Schlatt ever finds out about this he's going to kill me"

"He won't know", Eret said firmly, putting his hand on Tubbo's shoulder. Tubbo leaned into the touch to help ground himself. "As long as you're here you're safe. I promise"

Tubbo nodded slowly, taking a deep breath.  
"You're right. Thank you", he said, smiling again. "I should head back now so that Schlatt doesn't get suspicious"

"Be safe out there", Eret said, fixing Tubbo's suit absentmindedly. He loosened the tie a bit. "And remember, you're always welcome here"

"Okay", Tubbo answered, turning away hesitantly. His pace was brisk as he walked back out the castle, the guard accompanying him again.

He quickly tried to tidy himself up, wiping his cheeks to get rid of the dirt and trying to make his eyes less red. He sighed and straightened his back. Schlatt wasn't going to be happy about this.

As he made his way into Manberg Tubbo suddenly realized that he didn't want to be there. It was not only Schlatt, the place was just associated with too many painful memories.

The corners of his lips twitched upwards, thinking about Eret. And for a moment he wished he'd stayed with the man.


	2. i will break through, no matter where you are

The next time Tubbo decided to visit Eret was a couple days later. It may have been not the most thought out idea but he needed to get away. 

The homesickness was getting to him a lot more recently, even though he was technically home. The official news about Pogtopia put him on edge. He struggled not to burst out crying when Schlatt shouted at him again. 

It was all getting a bit too much. 

As darkness fell and the rest of Manberg went to sleep Tubbo snuck out, out of his room and out of the city. He trudged through the tall grass in the dark, black cloak over his suit, and looped around the castle's borders. 

The guards stopped him at the castle's back entrance. Their weapons reflected moonlight as he was kept at bay, out in the cool night air. 

"Please, I need to speak with the king", Tubbo pleaded. "He knows me, and if you ask him he can confirm that" 

The guards didn't even shift, and Tubbo shivered. He couldn't go back to Manberg now, he just couldn't. He- 

Loud and confident footsteps interruped his train of thought. The people blocking his path parted slowly as a figure approached. 

"Tubbo?", Eret said, and a wave of relief flooded the boy. He slid the hood off his head so the man could see him better. 

"Eret", he replied quietly. Eret dismissed the guards with a wrist motion and took Tubbo's hand in his own gently. 

"He's harmless, and is to be let in without alert until further notice", Eret's voice boomed. "Furthermore, any strangers attempting to cross into the castle are to be reported to me immediately, so I can assess the situation myself" 

The men nodded among themselves and went back to their watch as Eret led Tubbo towards the main building. Tubbo squeezed his hand. 

"I'm so sorry about that, I should've instructed them about you earlier", Eret sighed, running his fingers through his hair. He gave Tubbo a small smile. "It's good to see you again, Tubbs" 

Tubbo recoiled a bit at the use of the nickname, but it did make him feel a little warm on the inside. Maybe, just maybe, he could pretend nothing has happened between them. 

Eret led him through a backdoor and up the stairs. The stone corridors seemed quite empty as they stopped in front of one of the doors, which upon opening revealed a cozy looking room. 

The desk was filled with papers and small trinkets, some informal clothes were sprawled out over the floor and the bed seemed unmade. Eret breathed in and stepped inside as his shoulders relaxed. 

"This is one of the spare rooms. I sleep here sometimes", he said, taking the crown off his head and putting it down on one of the shelves. 

He sat down on the bed, his back against one of the walls, and gestured for Tubbo to follow. 

Tubbo hesitated for just a second before crawling up on the bed, sitting next to Eret. He put his head on the man's shoulder. 

"So, how was your day? Are they treating you right over there?", Eret asked gently, putting a hand around Tubbo's shoulders, and it was like a dam inside Tubbo broke. 

Words spilled out of him, about Schlatt, about Quackity, about the stress and the responsibility. At some point Eret moved Tubbo's head to rest in his lap as he ran his fingers through the boy's hair. 

After a while Tubbo drifted off, having long passed the time he usually went to bed. Eret watched over him as he slept, dozing off himself. They sat there, safe in the comfort of their closeness. 

Tubbo jolted awake early in the morning. He started to panic but Eret quickly reassured him that there was still time. The man could now see a certain brightness on the boy's face that wasn't there before. 

They bid their farewells hurriedly and Tubbo was on his way again. He slipped through the back gate and made his way towards Manberg, the slowly rising sun illuminating his face. 

He reached his room soon before his day began, and he sighed with relief. No one seemed to notice he was gone. 

A small smile ghosted his lips. Maybe things wouldn't be so bad after all. 

\--- 

Their meetings became somewhat regular after that. Tubbo would sneak away while everyone was sleeping, and he would sit with Eret until he fell asleep, talking about more or less important things. 

It was peaceful, it was quiet and gentle, and it was exactly the thing Tubbo needed to keep going. It seemed to good to be true, with no one catching on yet. 

But, in the end, it may not have been enough. 

\--- 

"What do you want, Tubbo?", Eret asked suddenly. Tubbo stopped for a second in confusion. 

It was during one of their meeting, and Tubbo has started to doze off. Eret went quiet a bit earlier, playing with Tubbo's hair absentmindedly. 

Tubbo wondered for a second. What did he want? 

"I... want L'manberg back. With Tommy and Will in it", he said. That's what he wanted, right? But his voice was shaky and unsure, and there was no real conviction behind his words. 

Eret must've noticed as he stopped his movements for a moment. The silence that fell felt somewhat heavy. 

"Are you sure? I mean, I don't want to tell you what you feel", the man said, his voice soft. "But is that really what you want, deep inside?" 

Tubbo thought again. He missed Tommy, but did he really want to go through another war just for a chance to see him? All of this... didn't feel worth it in the end. 

"I- I want to be safe. I don't want to live in fear, I don't want to fight another war", he said after a while. His hand started shaking. "I want to laugh, and have fun. I... I want to be a kid again" 

His whole body was trembling now. He felt a tear stream down his face and he shut his eyes tight. 

Breathe in, breathe out. He focused on Eret's comforting touch and gentle murmurs, and soon he felt the shakes calm down. 

Tubbo opened his eyes to see a sort of determined look on Eret's face, that then morphed into a smile as Eret looked down at him. 

"It'll be okay, I promise", he said, his voice even and strong. "If you want to you can always stay here, okay?" 

Tubbo nodded, a bit too choked up to say anything. He closed his eyes again, listening to the man's heartbeat in sync with his own. 

That's something he might really want, actually.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the support, I didn't think so many people would see this! It really means the world to me.
> 
> I'm not the fastest writer so updates will be kind of slow, but I'll try to post at least one chapter a week. That's all, see you guys next time!


	3. i'll be the light and lead you home...

Tubbo groaned, collapsing onto his bed. Tears threatened to spill from his eyes, though he kept them at bay furiously. This was no place to cry. 

The day had been hectic. Schlatt seemed much more irritable than usual, and the shouting was prominent. There had been rumors of Dream siding with Pogtopia, which would've lifted Tubbo up if not for the fact that Schlatt seemed to want to make his approach towards them much more brutal as a result. 

On top of that, Quackity approached him later in the day, getting scarily close and asking very precise questions. As if he knew something. 

The thought made him shudder. If anyone from the cabinet were to find out about his meetings with Eret, or worse, his secret allegiances, he would be dead, no questions asked. 

Quackity seemed quite wary of him ever since their conversation, and Tubbo was pretty sure he was followed by the man for a while. He also overheard him talking about increasing security around cabinet members, to "keep them safe, we wouldn't want any assasination attempts on our hands". 

Schlatt hasn't greenlit the idea yet, but... 

His thoughts came to a screeching halt. With more security there's no way he'd be able to slip away to spend time with Eret or communicate with Tommy anymore. He'd be trapped, for who knows how long. 

If he were to ever run away to Eret's castle this might be his last chance. The window of opportunity seemed to be closing quickly, and it was time to choose. 

Was he really willing to give up on his mission for Tommy like that? To waste all of the effort, all of the misery of the past weeks just for some comfort. But he was so, so tired. 

A small laugh erupted from his chest, though tears were rushing to his eyes again. He had already made his choice. 

With a bout of adrenaline he sprung back up, suddenly determined. He took a deep breath in and hurriedly took off his tie, tossing it aside. He unbuttoned his suit and pried it off his skin. 

He felt like he could finally breathe for the first time in forever. 

From the back of the drawer he retrieved his old, green button-up and threw it on, smiling involuntarily. He then proceeded to quickly pack all of his personal belongings into a bag, which was barely half-full by the time he was done. 

The old, torn L'manberg suit was left somewhere in the closet. 

He donned the cloak and made his way outside, more carefully than usual. If he got caught now, so close to the end, it would truly be a shame. 

The city was quiet, as always. The hidden door in the wall that he slipped through was unguarded, as always. He left the city behind, moonlight illuminating his path, as always, though he wasn't planning on coming back this time. 

His heart was beating loudly in his chest. He ran quickly, undetected, towards the now familiar walls of the castle, approaching the main gate. 

He didn't need to hide anymore. 

The guards let him in after recognizing him and he made his way through the castle grounds hurriedly. Eret was waiting for him by the entrance to the building. 

He felt fatigue wash over him as adrenaline left his body. He took a couple of shaky steps forward and then collapsed into Eret's arms. The full weight of what he's done finally revealed itself. 

"Eret, I- I'm here to stay". Tubbo's voice was barely a whisper. He let his tears fall as sobs wrecked his body, preventing him from saying anything else. 

Eret caught the boy gracefully, supporting his weight with seeming ease. He shifted his hold to embrace him tightly. 

"It's going to be okay, it's going to be okay, I promise", he mumbled. "I'll pick you up and carry you somewhere safer, okay?", he added after a minute or so as Tubbo shivered in the cold night air. 

Tubbo could only nod weakly and bury his face in Eret's chest. Eret slid a hand under the boy's knees, picking him up and holding him close to his chest. 

They entered the castle, warmth surrounding them, and Tubbo slowly drifted off, carried in the arms of someone he trusted, quiet sobs escaping his throat. 

\--- 

The next morning Tubbo woke up early. As soon as he could think consciously he shot upwards and scrambled out of bed. 

He needed to leave, there wasn't much time left. If he hurried up he could make it back to Manberg before- 

Oh, right. He didn't need to go back to Manberg anymore. He could stay here, in the safety of the castle, for as long as he needed. 

The realization almost made him break down again. He slowly looked around and noticed that he was in the room him and Eret would spend time in during their meetings, though Eret was nowhere to be seen. 

Tubbo sank back onto the bed. He curled up and drifted off again, exhaustion returning with full force. 

He could stay. He could stay. He could stay there and be safe and never have to see Schlatt ever again. He could stay. 

\--- 

Eret gently shook him awake a couple of hours later. He was already dressed in his full king attire, and apologized quickly as Tubbo rubbed the sleep from his eyes. 

Tubbo felt great, though he still couldn't believe he was actually there. This was the best night's rest he had in ages. There was no battle to fight, no nation to build, no spy duties to perform. 

He smiled, and there was a certain spark in his eyes. 

Eret led him towards a small dining room, tucked away at the end of the corridor. There was breakfast waiting for them as they sat together at the table. 

"Sorry I couldn't prepare a better welcome for you. I hope this is enough", Eret said, smiling apologetically. 

But before they could start eating Tubbo heard hurried footsteps as one of the guards burst into the room. They seemed out of breath. 

"I'm sorry for interrupting, your majesty. But the president of the neighbouring country of Manberg requests an audience with you", he said, collapsed against the wall. 

Tubbo paled at the words. Schlatt was there. Schlatt was there to take him away. Schlatt would take him away and- 

Eret stood up, straight and confident. He put a hand on Tubbo's shaking arm gently, a steely determined expression on his face. 

"It'll all be okay, Tubbo. I won't let him get to you", he said, in a tone that left no room to argue. His eyes glowed brightly behind his sunglasses. "I promised you would be safe here, and I'm going to keep my word"


	4. ...when there's nowhere left to go

Eret fixed the crown resting on his head, exhaling slowly. In a couple of moments the door to the throne room would open and the meeting with Schlatt would begin. 

Tubbo has been hidden deep inside the castle, and the guards were instructed to not let anyone but Eret himself in. He couldn't even imagine the kind of stress Tubbo was under. He had to make this quick. 

He held his head up high, intertwining his fingers on his lap. The door opened and Schlatt was led in. 

His suit was tidy, his shoes were shiny, and it reminded Eret of how Tubbo used to look. And then he remembered how Tubbo broke down when they reunited, how his face paled at the mention of Schlatt. No, Tubbo was nothing like the man. 

"Good to see you again, Eret. Oh, sorry, 'King Eret' was it?", Schlatt said, his face twisted in a half-mock smile. Eret's eyes narrowed but his expression remained neutral. 

"Why did you come here, Schlatt?" 

Schlatt's smile dropped a bit, and he put his hand on his hip. 

"Aw, I thought we'd exchange pleasantries for a bit but if you insist...". His smile disappeared completely as he took a few steps forward. "...then I'll cut to the chase. You have taken something that doesn't belong to you" 

"He is not a 'thing'", Eret said, his body itching to punch the man in the face for saying that, but he composed himself. Schlatt gave out a raspy laugh. 

"'He' or 'it', we both know what I'm talking about. You've kidnapped a citizen of Manberg, a defendless kid nonetheless-" 

"He is not forced to be here. He took refuge with me because of the way you treated him", Eret interrupted harshly. 

Schlatt scoffed, though something shifted in his expression. 

"Oh please, you think others will believe that? You're a traitor, remember. And no one trusts traitors", he said, showing a toothy smile. "Besides, the boy isn't even here to vouch for you, and who knows what could be happening to him right now" 

"The boy will stay here for as long as he wants to, and he will stay far away from you if he so desires. And for as long as he's here, he's under my protection", Eret said sharply, cold rage resting just beneath the surface of his voice. "Your lies have no effect on me, Schlatt. Because I know I am the one who has power here" 

He rose up from the throne, his cape flickering dramatically. His boots clicked loudly against the steps leading downwards as he kept talking. He was so glad he decided to wear high heels that day. 

"Let me put it frankly: I don't like what you've been doing with your country. I don't like the way you're treating your citizens, or your expansion plans. Most of all, I don't like your conflict with those you call rebels" 

At this point Eret has almost reached Schlatt. He took the few final steps to stand face to face with the man, pointing a finger towards his chest. 

"And I could end that conflict right now if I wanted to". There was no anger in Eret's voice but the threat was clear. He waited a few seconds and then stepped back. 

"But I won't", he said, his eyes narrowing again. "Because I'm not a monster, and I'm not willing to hurt a defendless person under my temporary jurisdiction. But take this to your heart: The boy stays here. And if you're smart, you will leave this place immediately and only ever return under my explicit permission. Understood?" 

Eret looked into Schlatt's eyes, and what he saw would make him stumble back if he hadn't seen it times and times before. 

Schlatt's eyes were filled with pure, unbridled hate. The emotion bubbled up and out of him, as if every fiber of his body was made of that very hate. His fists were clenched and shaking, and he was very clearly restraining himself from doing something rash. 

It painfully reminded Eret of the glares the people of L'manberg would give him. Of venom filled words, of shouts and so, so much hatred. But they were justified in their hate, and Eret didn't blame them for it one bit. 

Schlatt, however, was not. And Eret knew he was the one in the right here, just trying to protect the people he cared about. 

So he withstood Schlatt's glare with his own cold one, until the other man broke eye contact, huffing. 

"Yes, understood" 

With that he turned on his heel and walked away, the guards escorting him back out the castle. 

\--- 

Eret leaned back in his chair, sighing. After checking up on Tubbo and telling him the news it wasn't long until his royal duties caught up to him again. 

All he wanted to do was rest but instead he reread the letter on his desk over again. Dream was asking for troops, resources and political support from him, and as much as he wanted to help he wasn't so sure. 

He didn't want Pogtopia to lose, of course, but getting himself involved in a war directly could throw his own territory into chaos. And, more personally speaking, it would hurt Tubbo and put him in danger. 

If Tubbo wasn't there, maybe he would. But now that the boy has put so much trust in Eret, and that Eret has done so much to cultivate that trust he wasn't going to throw it all away. 

Sending supplies and supporting them subtly wasn't out of the picture though. 

He leaned forward, grabbing a piece of paper to draft his answer on. But as he started to do so Eret heard a gentle knock on the door. He pushed the barely began letter to the side, using this distraction as an excuse for a break. 

"Come in", he said loudly. The door handle twisted and a young man came in cautiously, shutting the door behind himself. 

He had the royal guard uniform on, despite Eret telling him time and time again that there was no need for such formality. A golden badge located near one of his shoulders glistered brightly, marking him as the captain of the royal guard and, by extension, second in command after Eret. 

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything important, sir", he said, standing beside the door. Despite his words there was a slight smirk ghosting his lips. 

"You're not, H", Eret said brightly, his smile warm. He waited a few beats in silence. "How is he doing?" 

"Better than before. After you left he asked me to go outside to get some fresh air. He's sitting by the northern wall right now, and last time I saw him he was smiling", H said all in one go. He hesitated for a second before adding. "He's a really good kid, and I wish I could help more, but..." 

Eret fell silent, thinking something over. Then he turned back to the other man. 

"What was he doing exactly?" 

"He sat on the grass by that spot ivy starts climbing the castle wall and there's a little corner with wild flowers. He was running his hands over the grass, and then started picking up some of the flowers. That's when I left", H said, carefully recollecting his memories. Eret nodded. 

"That gives me an idea. Since it's dangerous for him to go outside the castle grounds, and they aren't as colorful or well decorated, would it be possible for you to organise a small flower garden for him?" 

H's face lit up at his words and he stood up a bit straighter. 

"Of course, sir", he beamed, and Eret couldn't help but smile too. "I'll get on it as soon as I can" 

"Take your time, I don't want to distract you from your regular duties too much", Eret said, waving him off. The other saluted and left, his step hurried but energetic. 

Eret leaned over the paper again, resuming writing the letter. His chest felt lighter than before, and he felt the corners of his lips twitch upwards. The list of priorities was clear in his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I wasn't quite sure how to write Schlatt properly but I think I did a decent job. Again, sorry for the slow updates!


	5. i know it hurts, it's hard to breathe sometimes

_Tubbo's legs gave out from under him and he fell, his back against the cold wall. His heart was beating so loudly it was deafening, and he could almost taste the fear in his mouth._

_A high-pitched laugh pierced the air, and Tubbo couldn't help but flinch at the sound. His hands went up to cover his mouth to stop a whimper from escaping._

_"You know what happens to traitors, Tubbo?", the loud voice echoed, and Tubbo seemed to shrink even more on himself._

_"Nothing good"_

_He briefly met the eyes of the man in front of him. All he saw in them was indifference._

_"Please...", he choked out, his body shaking. His knees were pressed against his chest as he tried to get as far away from the man as he could._

_"I'm sorry", the man said, his voice not even wavering, though Tubbo didn't have much time to think about that._

_A bright flash of colors swallowed his vision and his ears went deaf. And then white, hot, agonizing pain erupted from his chest and spread around his body. Every fiber of his being felt like it was on fire and that was all he could think about as he-_

\--- 

He woke up with a scream. His hands were clutching his chest as he felt the pain coursing through it. His eyes were glazed over and all he could see was white. 

He was dying, he was dying, he was dying he was dying he was dy- 

His heart was racing, his hands were shaking and there was sweat dripping down his face. Everything around him felt so, so unbearably hot, and he couldn't breathe. 

There were sounds of footsteps around him now, though he could barely hear them over the ringing in his ears. After hearing distant voices and more footsteps he suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder. The touch burned and he scrambled away, his back hitting the wall. 

But then his vision started to clear and focus. His surroundings were blurry and as if behind a mist but at least he could finally see. 

There was a figure in front of him, which he identified as Eret after a second. He was sitting on a bed, his back against the ~~yellow~~ white wall of the room. The man in front of him wore a worried expression on his face. 

The pain in his chest lessened a little as he tried to breathe, his eyes going in and out of focus. Eret shifted closer to him and said something that Tubbo couldn't hear. 

He inched closer until he could grab Tubbo's hand gently. He gave it a small squeeze, and Tubbo focused on that touch, on the way it seemed to hurt but comfort him at the same time. 

He slowly squeezed back, taking deeper breaths. And then he found himself sobbing, his face pressed against Eret's chest, his hands gripping the fabric of his shirt tightly. Eret's arms were wrapped steadily around his shoulders, and though it was hot Tubbo realized he didn't want to let go. 

Eret rubbed reassuring circles onto his back as he cried, and he slowly started calming down. With time more of his senses came back - touch no longer felt painful, he could hear Eret mumbling in a soft voice and taste a metallic sensation in his mouth. 

Slowly he pulled away, still not letting go of Eret's hand. 

"Do you want to talk about it?", Eret asked quietly and Tubbo simply shook his head in response. "Alright" 

Tubbo buried himself in the man's chest again. He sighed, closing his eyes, and drifted off, Eret's comforting warmth next to him. 

After that night Tubbo has never slept alone again. 

\--- 

Days went by in a blink of an eye. Tubbo spent most of them getting used to living in the castle and hanging out around the grounds. Eret or H would accompany him sometimes, though usually it was just one of the guards. 

The situation still seemed somewhat surreal to Tubbo. He couldn't shake off the habit of waking up early with a sense of urgency. Despite what Eret told him, he couldn't help but be terrified that Schlatt will come and take him away, and then- 

Ever since that first one he hadn't had another nightmare, but the memory still haunted him. He found himself flinching at any loud sounds, and flashes of light caused panic to bubble inside his chest. Though he couldn't believe that a single bad dream would have such an effect on him. 

It wasn't until a week later that he realized something important. 

\--- 

"Are we there yet?", Tubbo asked, stumbling forward. His hand rested firmly in Eret's as the man lead him carefully. The cloth around his eyes was a bit scratchy and there was something unnerving in not knowing where he was, but he trusted Eret. 

It was a sunny morning, birds chirping loudly in the cold air. Eret told him he had a suprise for him, so right after the breakfast he has tied a blindfold on his face and started leading him somewhere. 

"Almost", Eret hummed in response, giving out a short laugh. Tubbo could almost see the white cloud from his breath and the gentle smile on his face in his mind. 

Soon enough, they stopped in place. Eret spun him around one last time before carefully removing the blindfold. It took Tubbo a second before his eyes adjusted to the light, but when they did he gasped loudly. 

They stood right by one of the corners of the walls, the grey standing tall in front of them, but that's not what made him gasp. By the wall there was an area, separated from the rest of the grounds by a wooden fence. A small path lead inside, weaving between rows and rows of flowers, all in different colors and sizes. 

They were arranged beatifully, like an explosion of color and harmony. Tubbo watched in awe, hesitantly stepping foward before breaking out into a run. He spun around a couple of times, just trying to take all of it in, and he gave out a loud laugh - a sort of laugh that no one has heard from him in ages. 

He kneeled down, breathing in the flowery scent, but then he noticed something else. By the very wall there stood a small bench, and next to it a tall, wooden pole. And from that pole hung a beehive. A real life beehive. 

He could hear the faint buzzing now - there were spots of yellow and black zooming between the flowers, busy at work. He leaned closer as one of them approached him, as if examining him. 

He slowly reached his hand foward, watching in awe as the bee landed on it. It looked straight at him and he smiled, laughing as it went back to work after assessing that he wasn't a danger. 

He rose to his feet, looking back to Eret who was still standing by the entrance. He jogged over, quickly picking up the pace as he launched himself at Eret, throwing his arms around around him. 

Eret gave out a noise of surprise, almost falling over from the sheer force of the tackle. Tubbo breathed out a chuckle. 

"Thank you! Thank you...", he mumbled out, pulling away after a second just to take hold of Eret's hand, pulling him further into the garden. 

He sat down at the bench, gesturing for Eret to sit next to him. He sighed contently, closing his eyes for a second. Everything felt so perfect, so serene in that moment, and he wished it would stay like this forever. 

"Eret, I-" 

Suddenly, a loud noise erupted from beneath them. It was torturous and low-pitched, and Tubbo covered his ears, trying to drown it out. Then, the ground shook under him, the vibrations echoing through his body. He gritted his teeth, tears prickling the corners of his eyes. He couldn't help but- 

_The ground shook beneath his feet as he ran. The loud sounds of explosions were right behind him, drowning out everything else. He cried out in pain as he tripped, almost falling to the ground._

_The cold laughter echoed in his mind, the white mask appearing in front of his eyes. He had to focus, he had to focus._

"-bbo..." 

_Fundy was right behind him. He watched as his companion's, his brother's blood splattered on the ground as the explosion caught a part of his leg. A scream got caught up in his throat._

"Tubbo" 

_Fundy pushed forward, and Tubbo caught a glimpse of unbelievable pain in his eyes. He saw Tommy disappearing in the water in front of him. They ran even faster than before though it seemed impossible, death a split second behind them._

"Tubbo!" 

_Tubbo's entire body was screaming terror. They weren't going to make it. They weren't going to make it. He felt the heat of the explosions burn his back and-_

"TUBBO!" 

He flinched, snapping back to reality. The world was still and quiet around him. There were tears running down his cheeks like a waterfall. He was clutching his head, his nails digging into his scalp with so much force that he was pretty sure it was bleeding. 

He pushed the memory back as he slowly moved his hands away from his head and down onto his lap. They shook a little. He looked to the side, catching Eret's worried gaze. 

"I-", he started, his breath catching in his throat. He tried again. "I-I was ba-back in L-l'manberg... and t-there were so ma-any explo-osions- a-and I-" 

He felt Eret's touch on one of his bloodied hands. The tears fell down his face and onto his lap as he forced out breaths. 

"Breathe. You're safe. You're here now and you're safe. You're not there, it's in the past and now is now", Eret said in a steady voice. Tubbo focused on it, letting the even rhythm ground him. He slowly regained his breath. In and out. In and out. 

The next time he looked at Eret the tears on his face were dried and he forced out a smile. Eret smiled back slightly, changing his grip on Tubbo's hand. 

"Let's get you fixed up, okay?", he asked, his voice gentler than ever before. Tubbo just stared at him, blinking a few times, still in shock. "Just... try to slowly stand up. You're fine. You will be fine, we can take care of this, alright? It'll get better, you'll get better" 

Tubbo slowly nodded, pushing himself upwards. Eret still held his hand, helping him up. He could get better. He would be alright. 

And maybe, with enough time and effort, that would come true. 

... 

But alas, all good things must come to an end. 

\--- 

The boy read the short letter over again, frowning. He was sitting cross-legged in the corner of his house - if you could even call it that - and had just picked up the message one of his contacts left for him. 

He leaned his back against the wall, sighing. War was coming, that was certain. He briefly wondered if they would bother him again - it was already dangerous enough without picking a si- 

His train of thought got interrupted by a loud shout outside. The boy curled up, pressing himself even further against the wall. If they thought he wasn't there they would leave him alone. Probably. Hopefully. 

The shouting stopped after a few tense moments, and he slumped in relief. Maybe they decided he wasn't worth the trouble, maybe they believed he wasn't home, either way, he avoided them yet another time. 

The boy's been couped up there for what felt like weeks now. Maybe it was. His mind started playing the memories of the past fighting unhelpfully, and he pushed those away yet again. 

He wouldn't be safe in there for much longer, they would find him eventually. He clutched his head, groaning. Had they not cared how much their conflict was hurting the boy? 

He really needed to get out of there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)
> 
> This chapter turned out really long, but there wasn't a good way to split it so that is what you get. It's also a bit late, so I apologize.
> 
> Will the canon version of the festival happen in this story? No  
> Have I found a way to use it regardless? Absolutely
> 
> I also want to say that I appreciate all the comments and overall support, you guys are awesome! I don't reply because I usually don't know how, but I love each and every one if them. See you next time!


	6. i know you can't remember how to shine

It was a sunny day about a week later, and the air was warmer than it had been during the last couple of days. Tubbo was sitting by the small flower patch, legs crossed on the soft grass. He hummed absentmindedly, braiding a couple of flowers together in the form of a crown, similiar to the one resting on his head. 

He was so grateful for these kinds of moments, when he could feel like a kid again. When he didn't have to do anything but live and exist and be happy. 

The crown was supposed to be for Eret - as a thank you, in a way. Tubbo knew it wasn't worth much, but it was the best he could do at the time. It was mostly made up of blue flowers, as Tubbo liked the way they contrasted with the red of Eret's cape. 

Sounds of a commotion snapped him out of his thoughts. It sounded like voices - loud, angry voices that rang across the field. Tubbo tried to ignore them, to focus back on the flowers, but he found himself unable to do so. 

He sighed, rising to his feet. Brushing his hands on his shirt, he headed towards the noise, breaking out into a small jog. 

It was coming from the back gate of the castle. As he got closer he could see a lot of guards gathered around it. He gulped, wondering whether he really wanted to see this. 

Before he noticed he was right there, standing behind the guards. One of them glanced back at him but didn't say a word. The shouting stopped but the guards haven't stepped away, so the cause of the commotion must've still been there. 

He stepped closer, standing on his tiptoes to look over the guard's shoulder, and felt his breath catch in his throat. 

"Tommy...?", he gasped out, stumbling back a little. He stared in disbelief as Tommy looked straight at him, and so did Wilbur, standing right by his side. 

He watched, frozen, as Tommy's expression morphed from surprise to anger. The boy clenched his fists, trying to move forward through the guards. 

"Tubbo!". The shout came from elsewhere. Tubbo's attention snapped to Wilbur, and the man's eyes were filled with so much hate it felt like a gut punch. "What the _hell_ are you doing here?! First you stay at Manberg, then we don't hear from you for _weeks_ , and now you choose this- this traitor of all people instead of your own family!" 

"I-I...", is all Tubbo could force out before the tears came. Wilbur thrashed forward, trying to push the guards away. 

"You promised us! You promised us and we believed you and _you betrayed us!_ Just like Eret, just like everyone else!", he spat out, every word filled with venom. He turned to Tommy, clutching his head. "I was right! I was right, Tommy! They're all against us- everyone's against us!" 

Tommy's eyes met Tubbo's again, and for a second he was glad there was no hatred in them, because Tubbo didn't think that he could survive that. Tommy was shaking with anger, barely containing it in his thin frame. 

"Even Tubbo, even your precious, innocent Tubbo, is a traitor! Even Tubbo left you!" 

Tommy pushed Wilbur backwards, taking a confident stance. Wilbur grinned. 

"Tubbo... How could you, Tubbo...? How could you- how could you betray me like that?! How- how _dare_ you stand before me like you're the victim here! You left me, Tubbo, and I- I hate you! _I hate you!_ " 

It was like Tubbo's mind shut down. He knew there were tears falling down his cheeks, that the voices around him only grew louder and louder, but he couldn't make out any of the words. He felt a hand on his shoulder, but it was like there was fog separating him from the outside world. Like his mind couldn't process what Tommy said. 

Tommy hated him, Tommy hated him, Tommy hated him Tommy hated him Tommy hated hi- 

He let himself get dragged away, his body working on autopilot. He barely registered he was inside now, a firm hand still on his shoulder. 

Then suddenly reality crushed into him. He reeled back, stumbling over his legs as he fell on the floor painfully. He scrambled away, starting to sob louder and louder. He needed to get away, to be away. 

His head pounded and everything was too much. He felt Eret's presence right next to him and he pushed himself even further backwards, away, away. 

Eret was a traitor. Eret betrayed them. Eret was bad, Eret was greedy, Eret- 

He was a traitor. He was a traitor like Eret, and he betrayed Tommy, Tommy- Tommy hated him. Tommy hated him and he was right. Tubbo was a traitor, Tubbo was bad, he betrayed Tommy, he betrayed his best friend. 

He wanted to curl up in a hole and lay there forever. He wanted to run outside and beg Tommy's forgiveness. He knew he didn't deserve it. 

He pushed himself against the corner of the room he was in - where even was it - and curled up into a ball, making himself look even smaller than he was. Everything hurt, everything was too loud and silence felt like screaming. He wished he'd disappear. He didn't. 

Eret was there still, but he didn't get close to Tubbo. Tubbo clasped his hands over his ears, trying to block out all the sounds. It hurt- why did it hurt so bad? 

He didn't even catch the moment he blacked out, his mind giving up on trying to interpret any of the overwhelming sensations. All he knew in that moment was that he was hated- Tommy hated him, Tommy hated him - and he deserved it, too. 

\--- 

The unfinished flower crown laid on the ground long after nightfall, forgotten and discarded. A chill gust of wind rolled it over, the slightly rotten petals falling off the stems. And yet, in that moment, it was less broken than Tubbo was.


	7. i can hear the sound of your barely beating heart

Eret looked at Tubbo's thin form in his arms, holding him closer to his chest. He would like to think that now with Tommy and Wilbur gone everything would be fine, and yet... 

He saw the way that despite being supposedly sixteen he looked so much younger than that. He saw the way his shoulders were tense even in his sleep. He saw the tearstains running down his cheeks, with no effort to get rid of them. 

He saw the fear in his eyes as he pushed Eret away to curl up in the corner. 

He saw the force behind him clutching his head as Eret pried his hands off so he wouldn't hurt himself. 

He saw the way he grew unresponsive as Eret had to drag him inside the castle. 

He saw the pained expression on his face, as if Eret's touch burned him, as if Tommy's words made him go into shock (he couldn't help but feel like that's exactly what happened). 

He opened the door to a room with his elbow and made his way inside. He carefully sat down on the bed, laying Tubbo down so that his head remained in Eret's lap. 

He took off the boy's flower crown, bent and barely holding itself together, and slowly, gently, started carding his fingers through his hair. He hummed, silently willing himself to stay awake for as long as he needed to. 

He couldn't let Tubbo wake up alone, scared and confused. 

There were barely any sounds coming from outside, and he sighed. He trusted H to take care of the situation, maybe even more than he'd trust himself. 

He let his thoughts wander, thinking about anything that wasn't related to Wilbur's hate-filled gaze or the way Tommy's hands clenched in anger. 

No, he needed to stay calm. For Tubbo, he reminded himself. All of this was for Tubbo. 

\--- 

It was just before daybreak when Tubbo moved. He stirred slightly, his hands balling into fists as he let out a whimper. 

Eret quickly snapped back to the present, gently uncurling one of Tubbo's hands and intertwining his own with it instead. He felt a tight squeeze on it. 

Tubbo slowly blinked his eyes open. It took a moment for him to focus his vision, but as he did he whimpered again and pulled himself away slightly. Something reflected light in the corners of his eyes. 

"It's okay, Tubbs, it's just me. It's okay", he said softly, keeping his grip on Tubbo's hand loose. 

Tubbo hesitantly looked in his direction again, a look of conflict on his face. He examined the man intently, with a sort of determination inside. 

"Are-", he eventually started, stopping to take a breath. Eret could feel his hand shaking. "Are you only keeping me h-here to have an upper hand over your opponents?" 

Eret was taken aback, trying to not let shock show on his face. It somehow made sense that the boy would ask that, though Eret's heart ached at the thought that he would ever need to be concerned with such a horrible thing. 

"No. I know you probably don't trust me now, and I understand. If that means anything, I swear on my crown that all I want is to see you happy and safe", he said, his voice firm. Tubbo glanced at him, and the grip on his hand tightened. 

He slowly, steadily, propped himself up, resting his head on Eret's shoulder. He closed his eyes and breathed out shakily. 

"Okay", he said, voice tight with emotion. "Okay, I trust you" 

Eret gently held him as he cried, murmuring reassurances and rubbing small circles onto the back of his hand. It took a long while for him to calm down, and they stayed there in silence for a bit. 

"Am I- am I selfish for leaving Tommy all alone?", came a quiet whisper. Eret took a few moments to answer. 

"No, I don't think so. I know what you were like when we talked for that first time. You were scared. You were hurting and in pain. Escaping from that sort of situation isn't selfishness, Tubbs. It's bravery" 

He felt Tubbo's breathing pick up and he pulled the boy closer. He hesitated before saying the next thing. 

"Would... would you want to see Tommy and Wilbur again, sometime in the future?" 

The grip on Eret's hand was so tight it hurt a bit. Tubbo tensed up, and it felt like an eternity before he spoke again. 

"I don't think I want to see any of them, not- not ever", he murmured in a strained voice. He pressed himself further into Eret's body. 

"That's okay. You don't have to", Eret hummed. "Breathe, alright? Just breathe" 

Tubbo's body shook slightly as he sobbed. And Eret knew he could never let him down, he could never betray the trust the boy had put into him. 

~~Not again.~~

\--- 

The boy found himself shaking. He gritted his teeth to stifle a whimper, breathing quiet. He listened carefully as the floor creaked over him again. 

More footsteps rang out in the air. The small space he hid himself in was starting to get claustrophobic, though he very much preferred it over being out there, with these people. 

"Found anything?", one of the voices asked loudly. The boy didn't want to listen too closely, in fear of recognizing it as one of the people he used to trust. 

"No sight of anyone, this place must've been abandoned. I took everything valuable from the chests, though there wasn't much", another voice answered. He heard some more shuffling. 

"Alright, let's get outta here" 

The boy waited, tense, as the voices got quieter and quieter. The footsteps eventually faded and he heard a splash of water somewhere to the side. 

He waited even then, his body frozen. It felt like hours have passed when he finally willed himself to move, to get out from under the floor. 

His breath was shaky. He clenched and unclenched his hands, sweat dripping down his face. Painful memories replayed in his mind. 

He shut his eyes for a second, trying to clear his mind. He couldn't think about that in that moment, or else he would never be able to leave. 

There was certain emptiness in his chest that he tried to not dwell on as he pushed himself up and out. He tried not to think about the voices, about the way a part of him wished he could speak to them. 

He tried not to realize how lonely he felt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you noticed me using Minecraft Youtubers to craft a speech for myself about how taking care of yourself and removing yourself from bad situations isn't selfish, no you didn't <3
> 
> Haha, badly traumatized children whose trust was let down by adults go brrrr


	8. these nights are long, you've lost the will to fight

The fighting started two days later. 

It was late evening and Eret was sitting on the bed, working through some paperwork as Tubbo slept beside him. He was playing with the boy's hair idly, reading through reports. 

Then, the ground trembled. It was short and low, and as it stopped Eret could hear muffled noises from outside. They sounded like clinging of metal and shouts, and as another tremble rang out he focused his attention back to Tubbo. 

Tubbo has flinched awake, shooting up rapidly. His eyes were hazy and he gripped the covers so tightly his knuckles went white. His breathing was irregular and rushed as he doubled over. 

Eret carefully reached his hand out in the shaking world, placing it on Tubbo's forearm. The boy snapped his attention to him, eyes wide and tears dripping down his face. He froze for a beat, and then he was latched onto Eret, face buried in the man's chest. 

Eret gently held him through the night, until the explosions and the shouting and the cries of the injured (not dead, never dead) finally stopped. Tubbo didn't get any sleep then, trembling and sobbing as his mind threw him into the memories of another war, another battle, one that he hasn't watched from the sidelines. 

Dawn was upon them as the world was quiet again. Tubbo has started to doze off, deadly exhausted from the events of the night. 

Eret thought the idea in his head over again, biting his lip. He sighed quietly, having made his decision. 

"Hey Tubbs?", he said, snapping Tubbo from the haze he has fallen into. The boy blinked a few times before making a vague sound of acknowledgement. 

"I... I have a remote place far, far away from here that's laying unused at the moment. If you want to we could leave the... the conflict and the war behind, and stay there" 

Tubbo fell silent, his brows slightly furrowed. 

"I- I think I'd like that", he answered quietly, curling up by Eret's side. He closed his eyes again, drifting off quickly. 

The man listened to the steady breaths and occasional sniffles. He slowly realized how tired he was - taking a break from royal duties and trying to determine where his loyaties lay would be good for him. 

And, beside all, there was no hesitation if it'd make Tubbo happier. 

\--- 

Tubbo carefully kneeled on the soft grass. One of the bees flew over from the flowers and hovered in front of his face. He huffed out a laugh. 

"I'm sorry, little ones, I won't be able to play with you anymore", he said, voice light. "I'm leaving to go to a better place. Don't worry, H promised he'll take care of you through the winter!" 

The bee as if cocked its head and he laughed again. He extended his hand and the bee brushed his finger, and he took the liberty to slightly scratch its head. 

"I'm gonna miss you, guys. I'd love to take you with me, but Eret said that'd be too dangerous. But I'll come back one day. I promise" 

He stood up and brushed the dirt off of himself. To be honest, he wasn't entirely sure whether he promised that to the bees or to himself. 

He found himself thinking about Tommy again. It's gotten easier, to remember him without feeling the venom of his words. 

He remembered the only time him and Tommy met while Tubbo was still a spy. The forest was dark and Tommy hugged him tightly as Wilbur watched from the sidelines. 

He hadn't realized it at the time, but there was a sort of coldness and bitterness in the air, words left unspoken. He was too happy in seeing Tommy again to notice the way they treated him. 

Tommy used to be his friend, he thought. But ever since the exile, no, the war, he's grown to only care about his ambitions, about himself and Wilbur. 

He felt his hands balling into fists and he took a deep breath in. He needed to leave, it would be best if he was far away from them. 

Tommy didn't care about him, he hasn't cared about him for a long while now. If Tommy really hated him, that was okay. Tubbo didn't care about him either, and would never need to see him again. 

He cringed at the way the thoughts stung. He focused on breathing, on the slowly setting sun. Eret said they'd leave by nightfall and disappeared, rushing through preparations. 

Tubbo directed his steps back towards the castle. He slowed his breathing down, trying not to think about any old memories. He needed to pack his things, after all. 

\--- 

Eret found H hunched over some papers in his office. He didn't even look up from them as he spoke. 

"Good to see you here, sir. Everything is nearly ready by now - the only things left to do are an official transfer of power in the chain of command, and getting the horses ready to go" 

H fell silent for a moment, then quickly signed something on the paper and handed it to Eret with a smile. 

"Here's the document - I had to rush through the draft but I think it should hold up if anyone questions your decision. All you need to do is sign it, and then the two of you can be on your way" 

Eret skimmed through the writing and nodded slowly, picking up a pen and giving his own signature. Setting it down he quickly closed the distance between himself and H, enveloping his friend in a hug. 

"Thank you. Really, I don't know what I'd do without you", he said quietly. H gave out a short laugh. 

"I should be the one thanking you for letting me stay and putting so much trust in me, sir", H responded, smile in his voice. He gently pulled away. "Besides, you're an amazing king, I'm sure you'd do wonderfully even if I wasn't here" 

Eret just nodded slightly, his expression falling for a moment. But then he shook his head and gave H a small smile. 

"We need to get going, now. You're the only one who knows where we'll be. Don't tell anyone else unless absolutely necessary. If you truly need something from me, send a message. From now on, you're in charge of making all decisions regarding this land - I trust you with it, more than I trust myself" 

H beamed at him and saluted energetically. 

"I won't let you down, sir!", he exclaimed, something warm in his eyes. "Just... keep him happy for the both of us, alright?" 

"I will" 

\--- 

The boy scanned the small piece of paper in his hand over. If what the note said was true, then there was hope, but... 

He suddenly made his decision, setting the paper down. There was no time for hesitation. This might've been his only chance to get out of there, and he needed to hurry up if he wanted to catch it. 

He pulled some necessary supplies into his bag and threw it on his shoulder. It wasn't much, most of the useful stuff was taken when his base was looted. He put a dark, worn out cloak on, pulling the hood further over his face. 

He breathed in and out slowly. The concept of leaving was terrifying, but it needed to be done. The boy was sure that he'd die if he had stayed there for much longer. 

As he took the elevator he gripped the strip of his bag tightly. Whatever happened, he wouldn't come back. This was his chance - if he blew it there was no hope for him anyways. 

The world was just a bit too bright and he had to wait a second for his eyes to adjust. He checked the area around him for anyone. He was alone. 

He tried not to focus on how different everything looked and instead he took off into the forest, boots thumping on the solid ground loudly. The sun has just set and it was getting darker by the second. 

He just prayed that he wouldn't be late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like the quality of writing has kind of declined in this chapter, so if it has, sorry <3


	9. just hold on, it won't be long

Eret led two horses out of the stable and towards the back gate. The sun has just disappeared beneath the horizon - it was time to go. 

Tubbo felt giddy at the prospect of leaving. After waving H one last goodbye they turned around, leading the horses into the forest. 

Tubbo pulled himself up into the saddle, taking the reigns. Eret mounted his own horse and looked around warily, making sure no one was following them. 

Suddenly, there was rustling in the bushes and loud footsteps approaching them. 

Eret quickly moved, positioning himself between Tubbo and the noises. He unsheathed his sword from his hip. 

Tubbo found himself ready to shout for help if anything happened - they were still near the castle, and the guards would surely come help them. His hand wrapped around the hilt of a small dagger he has recieved. 

Then, a figure burst out of the undergrowth. They doubled over as they wheezed, trying to regain their breath. Their face was obscured by a dark hood, though there was something earily familiar about them. 

Eret pointed the sword at them, straightening himself on the saddle. 

"Who are you? Why are you here?", his voice boomed as the figure finally looked up. They quickly put their hands up in surrender. 

"Wait! I-I'm not here to hurt you, I just...", their voice was hoarse and scratchy, and so, so familiar. They stopped to just breathe for a couple of seconds. 

Then, the puzzle pieces finally snapped into place and Tubbo gasped. 

"Purpled?", he whispered. The figure looked straight at him and pulled their hood down, relief clear on his face. 

"Tubbo...", he responded, taking half a step forward. 

Tubbo saw Eret do a double take, and his expression softened. He sheathed the sword carefully, looking back to Purpled. 

The boy's face was dirty, and there were bags under his eyes. His hair was longer than Tubbo's ever seen it. He looked so, so tired. 

Tubbo hesitated for only a second before sliding off his horse and speeding towards Purpled. He saw the boy flinch at the sudden movement and he came to a halt, stopping a couple meters away from him. 

"I-I... haven't seen you in ages", he breathed out. "What are you doing here...?" 

"I don't... have anywhere else to g-go", Purpled admitted, fidgeting with his cloak. "I- Please let me leave with you... I'll do anything, just-" 

Tubbo carefully stepped forward and gently grabbed the boy's hand. Tear-filled eyes focused on him, and he could feel Purpled trembling slightly. 

"It's okay", he whispered. "Just breathe, alright?" 

Tubbo glanced back at Eret, whose face was scrunched up in deep thought. Then, the man sighed. 

"You can come with us if you want to, Purpled" 

The boy perked up slightly at that. He seemed surprised at first, but then he hurriedly wiped the tears off his face and gave Eret an unsure smile. 

"We need to hurry, though. We're falling behind schedule" 

Purpled nodded quickly. Tubbo led him back towards the horse, not letting go of his hand. 

"T-thank you", Purpled mumbled as Tubbo attached his bag to the saddle, getting ready to go. 

"Don't worry about it. You can sit behind me, it'll be quicker than going back for another horse" 

Tubbo got up on the horse again, Purpled climbing up behind him. Tubbo ignored the way they both fit in the saddle designed for one person without problem. Purpled wobbled a bit, seemingly not used to horse riding. 

He wrapped his arms around Tubbo's abdomen, holding on tight. He rested his head on the other boy's shoulder. 

Eret looked back at them and smiled slightly. He urged his mount to move, Tubbo following suit. And then they were off. 

\--- 

They rode through the night, only stopping a couple of times to let the horses rest. Eret scanned their surroundings periodically to make sure they were really alone. 

Purpled dozed off after a while. His body slumped on Tubbo, though he held on tightly even in his sleep. Tubbo sighed in relief. 

They were in a wild area, now. Branches and leaves brushed against Tubbo's face, and he ducked to try and avoid them. 

It was an hour or two after dawn that a clearing came into view. Tubbo yawned, trying to blink sleepiness away from his eyes. 

Purpled has snapped awake a while back and now he was looking around curiously. He seemed more relaxed than before, and Tubbo didn't know whether that was because he was finally away from whatever he wanted to escape, or simply because he was rested. 

As they entered the clearing he spotted a wooden cottage sitting in the middle of it. It had a smaller building that he assumed was a stable by one side, and an empty field on the other. 

"This is it", Eret said, sliding off the horse gracefully. He took the other horse's reigns to let Tubbo get off easily. 

As soon as his feet hit the ground he felt like he'd collapse then and there. He wavered on his feet as Purpled got off next to him, stretching. 

Eret looked at him, brows furrowed, and then turned towards Purpled. 

"Can you lead the horses inside? I need to get Tubbo to bed" 

Purpled blinked, then nodded, taking the reigns from Eret. The man wrapped an arm around Tubbo to keep him stable, and he didn't protest as he was led inside the cottage. 

It smelled like old wood and dust. Cobwebs covered the corners of the rooms they passed by, and there were sounds awfully similiar to mice squeals coming from the walls. 

Tubbo yawned again as Eret gently laid him down on a bed in a dimly lit room. Heavy curtain obscured the windows, letting his tired eyes rest. 

He let his eyelids drop as he curled up, pressing his face against worn out sheets. He briefly wondered who had lived here before and why'd they leave, but his thoughts drifted away quickly. 

Falling asleep, he had the very distinct feeling of being loved.


	10. tell me it'll all be alright

Tubbo woke up slowly, groggily. Opening his eyes he noted that the world was a lot darker than it should be. He briefly wondered what time it was. 

There was shuffling next to him and he turned his head, blinking a couple of times to focus his vision. A face was looking down at him, though it quickly moved away. 

"Oh. You're awake" 

He yawned and pushed himself up on his elbows to a sitting position. He examined the person in front of him closer. Right, Purpled was with them. 

"Good morning...", he mumbled, stretching. 

"Um- it's almost night, actually" 

Purpled looked nervous, fiddling with his clothes. His body was still wrapped in a cloak, eyes darting around the room. 

Tubbo wasn't sure what to think. Him and Purpled were never particularly close, even in the times before... 

"Eret is currently asleep, he c-crashed soon after you. I, uh, watched over you when you s-slept- n-not to hurt you or- or anything, promise!" 

Tubbo's heart ached at the panic in the boy's eyes, at the way he put his hands up in surrender. Right, he realized, this reminded him a lot about how he used to be before Eret found him. 

He hasn't seen Purpled in months. He'd been so absorbed by the war that he didn't even think of Purpled once, never stopped to check in on him. He wished he had. 

Then, he shot the boy a longer look. An idea popped into his mind. 

"Come", he said, hopping off the bed and grabbing Purpled's hand in his own. He tugged on it carefully, and the other boy followed with a vague sound of confusion. 

It took a minute of stepping over cobwebs and maneuvering around rubble for him to find the bathroom. Purpled looked around in surprise as he got gently shoved into the room. 

"You... I don't know what happened to you in the past, but you don't have to worry about a thing, okay? I thought you might want to get yourself cleaned up, it doesn't seem you've been doing that much...", Tubbo said, stepping backwards and moving to close the door. 

But then, he felt a hand on his wrist. 

He looked up to see Purpled giving him a shaky smile. He counted that as a win in his book. 

"Uh, could you- could you cut my hair? I'm scared that if I do it I'll cut myself..." 

Tubbo flashed him a smile back. 

"Sure. I'm not a barber though, so don't blame me if it looks bad" 

And just like that, Tubbo stepped into the surprisingly well-looking bathroom and closed the door behind himself. 

\--- 

Later that evening, the two of them emerged from the bathroom and were quickly urged to bed by a just woken up Eret. Tubbo had managed to get quite a few laughs out of Purpled, so the time spent was pretty productive. 

Purpled has ditched the worn-out cloak, opting to just stay in a hoodie. His hair was clean and cut short, though it was uneven in places. There was no longer any dirt on his face - and it seemed so much brighter, too. 

Tubbo curled up in bed, the world pitch-black beyond the windows. Purpled hesitated for a bit before climbing on, laying down on the other side of the bed. 

Tubbo cracked an eye open and smirked, rolling over to where Purpled was and gently cuddling into his side. The other boy relaxed shortly, falling into peaceful sleep. 

Eret smiled, exiting the room quietly. He had lots of cleaning to do. 

\--- 

Eret had found Purpled gently closing the door of the room him and Tubbo slept in sometime before dawn. He turned around and as he spotted Eret he froze. 

"Hey, kid. What are you doing up this early?", he asked softly. The boy flinched at the sound. 

After a couple of moments of silence Eret sighed. 

"Couldn't sleep, I assume. Well, would you mind joining me for a talk? I can get us some tea" 

Purpled tensed up further, if that was even possible, but gave him a slight nod. He slowly followed Eret to the kitchen area, sitting down on one of the chairs. 

Once the tea was ready Eret joined him, setting one of the cups on the table in front of him. He made no move to take it. 

Eret took the opportunity to take a look at him. He looked a lot better, all things considered, but the bags under his eyes persisted and he was fiddling with his fingers anxiously, never looking up to meet Eret's eyes. 

He sighed again. 

"Y'know, I wouldn't have let you go with me and Tubbo if I didn't want you here", he said, setting his cup down. 

Purpled finally looked at him, though there was still this sort of underlying fear in his eyes. He didn't say anything, instead eventually taking a sip of the tea. 

Eret remembered the old Purpled. The Purpled that ran around and laughed, that had an ever present grin on his face, that set up pranks and bragged about the extent of his knowledge. He felt rage boil inside of him at whoever made the boy that kind of afraid. 

He would protect Purpled too, he decided. 

"What happened to you?", he mumbled, brows furrowed. The boy looked away again. 

"I... I hid. When the war started and t-the fighting started I hid- I was really scared and-" 

He seemed to cut himself off, and it took a second for Eret to notice the tears he's been subtly trying to wipe off his face. He looked like a scared, cornered animal. 

Eret carefully reached out his hand, laying it on the table. Purpled looked at it in confusion, and then very slowly, very hesitantly put his own on top of it, intertwining their fingers. 

Eret gave it a gentle squeeze and smiled. 

"You're okay", he murmured. "I'm not going to hurt you. I promise" 

\--- 

The boy entered the room, shutting the door behind himself quietly 

"Mr. President, official reports just came. They confirm the rumors we've been hearing - King Eret has recently left the castle with Tubbo, leaving the captain of his royal guard in charge" 

The man stood up from his desk, folding his hands behind himself. 

"What do we know about that captain of the guard?" 

"Not much. I've searched around - he doesn't seem to have a political background, nor has been active around these parts before. Though he isn't a particularly strong ruler according to my sources, and I'm quite sure that he isn't a threat" 

The man grinned, strolling over towards the boy. He ruffled his hair slightly, and the boy's fox ears flickered at that as he smiled. 

"Good job, I'm proud of you. Now, get the specialist team ready just in case - we may need them for an important operation very soon" 

Outside the room, another man (not much older than a boy, though already tainted with hate and cruelty) listened in, brows furrowed and hand fiddling with his beanie absentmindedly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tubbo and Purpled cute friendship moments <3


	11. like the wind that cries...

It was a couple of days later when Eret received news from H. 

The bird arrived sometime in the evening, pecking at the window of Tubbo's and Purpled's room. Once let in the scroll of paper was taken away from it in exchange of food and rest. 

The letter was short and precise. Manberg was being unusually quiet and peaceful, and its conflict with Pogtopia seemed to be on pause. Eret bit his lip, debating on sending a response. 

It also said that Niki has finally left Manberg to join Pogtopia officially. Eret's chest felt heavy for a second - if he hadn't left he could've helped her as well... 

No, he couldn't think about that now. He needed to take care of Tubbo and Purpled. He promised. 

Niki could take care of herself. Probably. 

He heard a gentle knock on the door to his bedroom. The three of them decided that Tubbo and Purpled would sleep together, to help with their nightmares, which left Eret alone. He didn't mind. 

"Come in!", he called out softly. Tubbo entered the room, swinging the door open energetically. There was a slight smile on his face. 

"Well? What does it say?" 

Eret sighed, though he couldn't help but smirk. He got up from his desk, hiding the letter in one of the drawers. 

"Nothing groundbreaking. Niki has ran away to Pogtopia and Schlatt hasn't commented on it yet", he said, trying to sound positive. Something flashed through Tubbo's expression, an emotion Eret couldn't discern, but it was gone as soon as it appeared. 

"She'll be okay, Tubbs. You know her", he added, ruffling Tubbo's brown mop of hair. The boy looked up at him, expression clearer. 

"Right! Purpled and I found some abandoned farmland just through the woods! It's not big and there's weed growing on it, but I think we should be able to grow our own plants now!", he exclaimed. Eret smiled again. 

"That's neat! We can get to work tommorow, if you want" 

Tubbo's eyes shined brightly and Eret realized he wouldn't trade this moment for anything. He didn't need to send a reply, he decided. 

\--- 

It happened when they were working on the farm. 

Tubbo skipped around, energetically picking out the stray plants and throwing them into a basket. Eret watched with fondness in his eyes, working slowly. They needed to prepare the field before they could plant, after all. 

Suddenly, Tubbo's foot caught on a plant and he fell, hands saving him from faceplanting. Eret quickly jogged over, reaching out a hand to help the boy stand up. 

The fear in Tubbo's eyes made his heart skip a beat as he turned around and slapped Eret's hand away harshly. 

"Don't come near me, trai-", he cut himself off suddenly, slapping a hand over his mouth. 

His breathing picked up and then there were tears rolling down his cheeks. He curled up, flinching away from Eret. 

"Sorry, I'm s-sorry, I'm so- I'm so sorry, I'm-", he stuttered out, hiccuping between choked out words. Purpled was stood frozen a ways away, watching with wide eyes. 

Eret stood there for a second, collecting his thoughts. Why di-? The control room. Of course it was the Final Control Room. 

Despite the sharp stab in his heart he slowly kneeled on the ground, keeping distance from a still crying Tubbo. 

"Hey Tubbs? Listen to my voice, okay?", he started, trying to stop it from wavering. "I know I've hurt you. I know I've hurt everyone you care about. It's the decision I regret the most in my life. You don't need to forgive me or trust me, and you're allowed to be upset. You're allowed to hate me, and feel however you feel about this, okay? I won't blame you. I just want to tell you that I care, now. You don't have to trust me, but please let me help, Tubbs. Please." 

He swallowed dryly as Tubbo looked at him, eyes red and puffy. He reached out a hand slowly, stopping midway between him and Tubbo. 

Tubbo shivered and took grasp of Eret's hand, holding it lightly. He looked so, so scared, as if expecting to be hurt. 

"I'm s-sorry-", he mumbled out. Eret smiled softly. 

"You don't have to be, Tubbs. You don't need to hide your emotions around us, okay? You're allowed to be upset. You're allowed to cry. It's okay." 

And Tubbo teared up again and before Eret could notice he was weeping, gripping Eret's hand tightly. Eret ran his thumb across the palm of his hand, humming softly. 

After a couple of minutes there was movement next to them and Purpled sat down next to Eret, taking hold of Tubbo's other hand. He looked unsure but Tubbo latched onto his hand, their fingers intertwining, and Purpled smiled. 

They sat together until Tubbo ran out of tears. He eventually gave the two of them a shaky smile, muttering 'thank you's. 

"Let's go home, okay?" 

"Okay..." 

Tubbo didn't let go of their hands the entire way back. 

\--- 

If any of them would've looked around the woods at night, they'd undoubtedly notice a tall, dark figure stalking around. Their eyes were glowing brightly as they observed the three. 

They saw the incident during the weeding. They saw the bird arrive, backing away deeper into the woods so that they wouldn't be spotted. They sneaked into the stables, once, petting the horses with a smile on their face. At times, they looked through the windows, ducking whenever someone looked their way. 

And maybe one of the three noticed a shadow moving, sometimes. Maybe they felt the sensation of being observed while in the woods. Maybe they caught a red glimpse in between the branches. But none of them mentioned it. 

The figure was glad. It only wanted to watch, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is really late and I'm so, so sorry! Life got to me but I think I should be able to post more regularly, now. Thanks for the continuous support, it means the world to me <3


End file.
